How To Treat Your Man Like A Man
Posted: Thursday, October 05, 2006
by Angie Lewis
Heaven Ministries
Are you a controlling wife? Do you take your husband for granted? Most women don’t realize it but they abuse their husbands daily just by their actions. Many women of today feel that marriage revolves solely around them and their husband’s are supposed to give them everything their heart desires.
If we aren’t getting what we want from our man could it be because we are not treating our man like a man? Stop pushing him around and he’ll come around.
This is a biggy in marriage. Isn’t it true that we women want things our way! We have been taught from grade school to go after our dreams and aspirations in life no matter what the consequences, even if that means rejecting our husband’s needs and wishes. We do what WE want and what WE need. Why would a woman of today be so determined to chip away at her husband’s manly authority and advice?
Face it ladies, we haven’t exactly helped to make our man feel like a man. If we don’t accept the man we married, why would we expect to get what we want from him? If we are rejecting, blaming, controlling, demeaning, undermining, and complaining about our husbands we certainly aren’t respecting the man we married.
If we weaken our husband’s manly resolve what’s left but our feminist attitude and bossy selfish egos? Are we taking the man we married for granted? I think we are and that’s what’s killing marriage! How do I know all this? I used to undermine my husband all the time. I wouldn’t let him be the man of the house. I was bossy and rebellious. I want you to know what I have come to know. It’s great!
2. Don’t reject your husband
How many times last month did you tell your husband that you were too tired or had a headache or simply shrugged him off because you were mad at him? Probably more times then you really think. Shouldn’t we want to satisfy our husband’s needs every single day, regardless, whether we feel like it or not? We women need to please and satisfy the men we’re married to and we’ll get our hearts desire. We really will!
3. Give your husband space (time with buddies)
Do you complain because your husband likes to have free time away with the guys? Maybe you feel he should be home doing chores or watching the children on his day off. But face it ladies, our man deserves time away to be with his friends to play golf, fish or hunt, or whatever it is he does just as much as we deserve to be with our friends. Did you know that a husband that is allowed the freedom to be with his buddies is a happier and more content filled man? Isn’t that what we want anyway?
4. Cook your husband hot and nutritious meals every day
It is so true that one way to our man’s heart is through his stomach. Ask any man and he’ll tell you. I know that some of you ladies who work out of the home just don’t have the time to cook nice meals everyday. Buy a crock-pot and a crock-pot cookbook and learn to make delicious homemade meals with it. Crock-pot cooking is so simple. You throw all the ingredients in the pot and it cooks safely all day, and the food will be ready when you both come home from work.
5. Respect your husband
What’s so hard about respecting the man we married? If we control the marriage and feel that our husband can’t do anything as good as we can, we certainly won’t be able to respect him, right? Is treating your husband like one of the children respecting him? Is complaining about their faults respecting him? Is telling him what he’s going to do respecting him? Is rejecting him sexually respecting him? Is belittling him respecting him? Well then, stop doing all these things and you are on your way to respecting the man you married.
6. Let your husband protect you
God made man to be the protector of women. Men love to do it, they want to do it, and they feel like a man when we let them do it. But most married women don’t feel they need protected because they can take care of themselves. They carry mace, a gun and take karate classes and act like a man and still, they are getting beaten, raped, manhandled, and murdered. If a woman is married why on earth would she want to take away her husbands god-given natural abilities as a protector?
A married woman needs to allow her husband do his job in the manner in which he does it best, by protecting and loving his wife with the natural abilities God gave him. How can a man do that when the woman won’t let him? This is how a man loves his woman!
Seriously now, it’s really that simple. What would happen if we didn’t allow our husbands to protect us? We would be rejecting their love for us. Don’t you want to be loved by your man? Did you know that when we don’t let our husband’s love us the way God meant for a man to love his wife, we are rebelling against God?
7. Submit to your husband (love God)
Ladies, first you must learn to submit to God. This was a major issue in my marriage for many years because I didn’t accept God. I was looking out into the world for the answers to my marriage problems when the answers were within my spiritual self the whole time. I finally grew to accept and love God. That is the root of submitting right there.
By growing out from the selfish person I was, I learned to understand what submitting to my husband was all about. Once a woman learns to submit to her husband she will see that by submitting she is actually in more control of the marriage and a better marriage wife because of it. In other words, a woman will not lose anything of her self by submitting but will gain more of herself that was lost.
“Now I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." 1 Corinthian’s 11:3
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Angie Lewis is the author of Love The Man You Married, excellent biblical principles for women. Preview book here: http://www.lulu.com/content/223305/
Angie Also wrote Love the Woman You Married , a new release! This book explores several main issues that are involved in preserving a happy and purposeful marriage, mainly the areas of submission and spiritual authority. Why are women afraid to submit to their husband's spiritual influence? Over the years, society has turned this issue into something women should fear. Submission is not about control or power like many would like to believe, but about love. Submission is love; if it were anything else than it would not be true submission. Preview or buy book here: http://www.lulu.com/content/400517/
Both books are excellent teaching tools for husband and wife to read together. For more information about Angie and Frank’s marriage ministry, go here. http://www.heavenministries.com/
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Submitting to your husband is ideal if the husband is caring, loving and gentle. Otherwise this is just bowing down to a brutal controller or wife beater who thinks women are inferior and misinterprits the idea of "leading" Personally I am happy to submit to my partner as he is very kind and wish I could be less selfish and put his needs before mine, I am slowly improving this and it feels good.If he is a good man putting his needs first he will return that and put yours first so it balances out.I do the article should be spiritually neutral so all types of people can benefit.
Oh my goodness! I'm not sure, but from reading this article, It sounds like you like your husband's 'control'. Some women do I suppose. ...did i read correctly that you submit sexually everyday to his desires to get what you want? Not me, no thanks. That's not what I need in my life. There is a problem when a husband has demands & a wife submits under his control. I will not be a door mat any longer. A woman should be able to have her needs met (not feminist breed, just your common housewife breed who gave up a career, friends, cable tv, tennis, or anything in LIFE that involves speaking with opposite sex<seriously, everything>) without feeling like she HAS to give in to her husbands demands in life at his every little whim just because he is MAN & God created man to be the head of the household. HA! "I" don't believe that it was God's intention to have the man of the house be in control of every detail. Wow, I may be reading too deeply into your article because I'm searching for a Christian based help here & I'm in a vulnerable & biased state; but, this article to me is Not How every Woman should Treat a Man (i know you didnt' say every, I thought i'd use that word as a common ground)! No, it's not my time of the month. Background: F, late 30's, raised Catholic, baptized as an adult, Follow a Christian lifestyle, College educated in the medical field, Married (after college graduation, in a church, big ceremony) for 15 years, 2 children (8 & 4), Gave up an Excellent career to stay home with my kids, My parents are still married as are my grandparents on each side (although a few have passed on). Married for the good & the bad...but, i've become desperate. I'm feeling trapped & controlled as a puppet would - However, I have No desire to run about & "look" for anyone to help me. No desire for another 'perfect' man - I would never do that. Christ is my bridegroom & he is who I turn to in desperate times of confrontation & venting. I married a man that I love, but is overly jealous. I feel like I'm being watched & listened to on a constant basis. I'm having a hard time getting along right now. I feel that I've done everything right for God, my family, me. Except, I now feel that i've been driven into a corner & I don't recognize myself any longer. I don't feel comfortable turning to just anyone...ironic huh...here i am writing anonymously. I feel like I'm going crazy & I just don't care anymore. I sometimes want to just give up because what I do is never good enough for him. I'm becoming an unrecognizable angry & bitter person. I can't even do church activities without him becoming jealous. I recently lost weight....I'm not 'overweight' per say, but i lost some weight - 20ish pounds! I was thrilled, I felt so good - better than I'd felt in years!! I was eating right, excersizing (at home - no gyms...because there are men there!) & i was comfortable wearing jeans again! Our sex life was even better because I was comfortable with myself. HOWEVER, I felt obligated to re-gain the 20 lbs FOR my husband, FOR our marriage due to his grossly overt jealousness! He Hated hearing comments from the few 'older' married gentlemen at church that I looked great. Also, as a side note, I'm conservative in my attire - no cleavage or legs showing almost ever! No tight clothing. I have nothing to show for. When i lost my weight, I was 145 lbs (5'8")...average, nothing special. & he was jealous about yet another part of my life. Nothing makes him happy except me following his guidelines. I'm not sure what to do.This article is more of a "teaching" wives how marriage SHOULD be article and I totally understand where you are coming from. Husband's also need to submit to their wives for the submission thing to work-it's called "give and take". We submit, not because we have to, or it is a wife's duty but because it feels right.. if it doesn't feel right to some women then something is askew with the marriage. Perhaps the husband is too controlling and has insecurities from his childhood.
When we felt unloved or abandoned as children we are more apt to hang onto and control others because of our own fear of losing them...and that person needs inner healing. Only Christ can free us of our demons and past...but we have to be willing to let it go. I'm referring to your husband here.
So what can you do? You need to sit your hubby down and be lovingly assertive with about how you feel. Instead of becoming resentful and bitter about his possessiveness and jealousy, speak up for yourself and nicely explain to him that he has nothing to worry about. God does not want a woman to become frustrated with her marriage because her man is too controlling. Be assertive about "how you feel" and "why you feel" this way. If your husband has issues buried within this is how he will be able to bring them out and realize he may be too overbearing and jealous when he shouldn't be. Help him (be supportive) to understand "why" he is so jealous.
Wives and husbands should encourage one another "in the Lord"...as long as they remain within the boundaries of Christ's principles for marriage, then there shouldn't be any problems and when there is, they can surely work them out.
I was in the same situation as you many years ago...but I learned to assert myself, in a good way--in a productive way to my husband. You have to let him know that you appreciate his protectiveness and love him for being watchful, but there is nothing for him to be jealous about. Make sure too, that you are also not being controlling. Many times women think it is their husbands who are controlling but it is herself or both of them. You need to ask yourself when your husband gets jealous is "did I do anything to spur his jealousy"? If not then I just explained in the paragraph above what you need to do.
"Show" you husband that he has nothing to worry about. I've noticed that when a women makes eye contact with another man and smiles, sometimes they take it has flirting. And then the husband sees it and thinks there is something going on. So your part in the marriage is to "show" your husband that these other men mean nothing to you and that he is your Knight in shining armour.
I highly commend you on your choice of dress and style--it shows you love and trust in God and know who you are in the Lord. A woman who is confident doesn't need to show off any unnecessary skin. You are being a good example to others and that's great too.
Unfortunately, marriage is a two way street. I tell you this, but how is any of this going to help your husband understand his position better? You can show him our communication or you can relate to him in your own words anything that has encouraged you in our communication.
To better help you to encourage your husband remember to always come back to "How a man is supposed to love His wife". Which is, In the same way Jesus would His Church. Jesus wouldn't abuse His authority over His people (church), but He would be loving example, teacher, encourager, and protector of what is His. Explain this to your husband when you sit him down in a loving and assertive way. :-) In other words...your husband has every right to be loving and protective but not controlling and jealous.
Email me from my website if you would like more guidance on this subject.
Blessings,
Angie :-)Thank you Angie for your reply to my comment(s) yesterday. I would like to email you. Thanks again.Hi again! You can email me anytime, I'm a good listener. Here is my email.
angie(at)heavenministries(dot)com or you can go to the end of the article and click on my website and then email me from there.
Blessings,
Angie :-)Oops I forgot to log in. That's me "anonymous". LOL
A :-)
This is a really helpful one. Just what I needed. Thank you, Angie! :-)
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