Is Looking at Pornography the Same as Adultery?
Posted: Friday, June 22, 2007
by Angie Lewis
Heaven Ministries
“You
have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery. But I tell you
anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with
her in his heart." Matthew 5:27,28
Pornography has snuck into our homes like Satan did with Eve in the Garden
of Eden, tempting even the purest of heart. Some people have never thought
about looking at porn before they had a computer, but now it somehow repeatedly
gets in their view, and oops it happens.
There are a few really bad apples out there that revel and delight in
tossing immoral imagery into our faces. Whether we read about these lusty
desires in our Spam email or see it on popup banners, we’ve all come face to
face with it through our computer. Most of us don’t think twice about deleting
porn from our email and in fact, we try to get popup blocker to stop the
harassing banner ads.
Since porn is tossed out recklessly everyday in front of our face,
eventually someone is going to click on it.
It might be your husband, your wife, or your teenage son. The bad apples are overjoyed! They work for Satan. Satan tells them sneaky
and conniving ways how to do it, and make it more enticing. The bad apples
comply because they want everyone to be depraved like them.
The problem begins when a person is tempted into viewing this garbage and
they do not apply any moral ethics they might have on a godly foundation. The
worldview of what morality is in grave error. If you base your belief system on
something that is sinful, you will become in bondage to that particular sin.
That is how Satan gets people involved in his work. They serve him by being a
slave to sin.
Because porn repeatedly shows up on our computer in one form or another, we
eventually give into it out of curiosity and say, “But one time won't hurt".
In reality, folks, it does hurt. It hurts yourself and your loved ones
tremendously.
“You
have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery. But I tell you
anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with
her in his heart." Matthew 5:27,28
Lust is an unhealthy and sinful desire that takes a person away from that which is right and good. It does not matter if it is lusting after strangers on the Internet or a fleshly body in a secret place. To yearn for the flesh of another person other than who you are married is wrong thinking taking over your mind and eliminating the natural goodness that resides in man.
Satan knows that by getting you to think and envision the lusty images in your mind first will entice you to desire it. Once you take a peek, you look again, and again, until you can’t seem to get the immoral imagery away from your mind, and you become ensnared within it. If you think long enough, you become what you think. God says we are not to even THINK about these things in our mind.
“Do not lust in your
heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the
prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your
very life". Proverbs 25, 26
You are worth more than a loaf of bread, aren’t you? If you continue in your
wrong thinking, you will turn moldy, and then no one will want you.
If the act of adultery is wrong, then so is the intention.
It is considered mental adultery and thus a sin! To be faithful to your
spouse with your body, but not your mind is to break the trust that is so vital
to marriage. Pornography is easily justified in the minds of those who view it.
They have broken a code of ethics to validate in their minds that it is okay to
view it. Pornography for many is more justified than the physical act and if
they get caught looking at it, all they have to say is, "well, at least
I didn't have an affair."
This kind of thinking is wrong and is in total denial. Denial is the opposite of acceptance. If you can't accept that what your doing is wrong then you are in denial. The Internet only enables those who are tempted to continue in their addiction. Satan instructs the bad apples to get smarter and smarter in their different ways to put it out to the world. That means you have to fight back harder to eliminate sexual immorality from your life.
“It is God's will that
you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of
you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable,
not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God." 1Thessalonians 4, 3-5
Viewing Pornography and getting off on a temporary rush is only a symptom of
a much greater problem. Lusting after the flesh of heathen strangers is bad
enough, but this lustful desire also defiles the body, mind, soul, and
marriage. In my book, it is the same as having a physical affair.
How can I stop looking at
pornography?
The power to rid yourself of temptation and to remain faithful comes from
what you believe. Therefore it does not rest in you alone but in your
Creator. If you have been unfaithful it is because you do not have the foggiest
idea how to utilize the tools (gifts) God has given you.
Loyalty to ones spouse is a part of the giving process that
you learn through allowing God's love and forgiveness into your heart and mind.
When you accept what the Truth is, you can actually give
of yourself and do it freely. It's really that simple. Accepting
is on the same line as humbling oneself. If you humble
yourself to God, the one and only true director, you are giving
yourself to God. Once you actually release your errors to God, He will
rid you of temptation.
For those of you with a conscience, I say don’t kick yourself too hard. You made a mistake and looked at porn. Pick yourself right back up and start all over anew. I say the same thing for those who have had an affair. Just because you were weak once does not mean, you are a weak person. You are what you believe to be true. Your potential is much greater than you allow. God will give you the power to cease and desist all tempting situations in your life, and become the person you were intended to be. But you have to accept and believe in God as you source.
God hasn’t condemned you yet. It is not too late to turn your life around
and come to your full potential. Let go of Satan’s hand and take a hold of
Christ’s hand. Don’t condemn yourself!
If God is your source, and he is, that is where you came from, why do you
look to the world (Satan) for reassurance of self? If the world is where you
look for truth, you will believe what the world says, and probably be weak in
your sin again. As with any addiction we are powerless to defeat it on our own.
When we fall into weakness, essentially, we’re like a confused lost puppy
unable to find our way home. We do not have a map to help us search for the
lost treasure. We’re probably not even sure why we are unfaithful and some of
us remain in weakness. We have decided that society is our home, and society
tells us that unfaithfulness is acceptable. Which, on the opposite end is
what God says is not acceptable. As I said earlier, when you accept what you
see in the world as truth, you tempt yourself into adultery and immorality of
all kinds, which is not truth, but a devilish lie told by Satan.
It is God's will that all marriages be built upon the rock of loyalty and
when you remain steadfast and loyal to your spouse, even through the hardships,
you are allowing God to give you the understanding you need to remain faithful.
By trusting in what God says for your marriage, you are less tempted to stray
from the marriage, whether in the physical act or through pornography.
Therefore, you must stop looking to society for the answers. Faith
comes from believing in what you cannot see with your eyes, bringing those
beliefs into the heart and acting upon them with passion. Having and
utilizing the power of faith is an individual matter that is gained by your own
personal relationship with God. Make God you source!
***
Angie Lewis is the author of three marriage books offering marriage tips and wisdom filled answers tackling such issues as addiction, adultery, pornography, emotions, feelings, children, forgiveness, communication, and spiritual influence in the home.
To preview these books visit - http://www.lulu.com/AngieLewis/
For more information about Angie's marriage ministry visit - http://www.heavenministries.com/
***
Angie Lewis is the author of three marriage books offering marriage tips and wisdom filled answers tackling such issues as addiction, adultery, pornography, emotions, feelings, children, forgiveness, communication, and spiritual influence in the home.
To preview these books visit - http://www.lulu.com/AngieLewis/
For more information about Angie's marriage ministry visit - http://www.heavenministries.com/
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More commentsThank you for writing this...
MY DAUGHTER IS LEAVING HER HUSBAND OF TWO YEARS AS WE SPEAK. HE IS HEAVLY ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY. HE IS ALOS BI POLAR. SHE HAS WORKED VERY HARD TO HELPO HIM BUT THOUGH HE PROMISES AND PROMISES HE RELAPSES. THEY HAVE BEEN TO THERAPY AND CHURCH AND PRAY REGULARLY TOGETHER BUT NOTHING HAS STOPPED HIM SO SHE HAS HAD ENOUGH, THOUGH SHE STILL LOVES HIM IN SOME WAYS. SHE CANT BE INTIMATE WITH HIM ANYMORE. MY HEART IS BREAKING FOR HER AND ALL OTHERS SUFFERING FROM THIS. HE HAS BEEN ADDICTED FOR 20 YEARS I DONT THINK HE CAN CHANGE. A VERY SAD MOTHERDear Mother,My heart brakes for your daughter. Seems like she really worked hard to save her marriage. But I understand where she is coming from. After awhile you begin to lose yourself and if you dont get out you will lose yourself. You didnt mention if she had and kids. I hope not. It will be eaisier for her. May GOD bless her and help her and her mom.i can assure you that he can change if only by the grace of god. i did. you should ask if he was molested, thats how it started for me. god bless.
My husband and I have been married for four and a half years and have been together for nearly seven. I was drawn to him initially because of his love for Christ. I had fallen away from God and was trying desparately to get my life back on track when I met him. We have one child together who is two and a half. When my daughter was about six months old I found out that he had been looking at pornography. It broke my heart. I hated that he had brought that garbage into our Christian home. He begged me not to leave him and promised he would not do it again. About six months later I found out he had been continuing to do it. I told him if this did not stop I would have to leave. Some time passed without either of us mentioning it, but our marriage began to crumble. He became distant and indifferent towards me and our daughter. I thought constantly about leaving him, but never had the courage to do it.And now I have found out that he has not only been continuing to look at the pornography, and has been "using" it, instead of coming to me, but that he has been lying about it. I had been asking him directly if he had been looking at it, and he always told me no. I am so heart broken not only that he has been looking at and "using" it for his "needs," but mostly now that this addiction has made him start being untruthful with me. I told him yesterday I felt like I had to leave. He cried and begged me to stay. I still love him very much, and I am committed to our family. But I am concerned that if I stay, I am condoning this addiction and he will just do it again. I want him to know that I am serious. That it HAS to be me or the porn. Any advice?~ Lost & Heart Brokento lost and heartbroken i know exactly what you are going through. my husband and i have been married for three years and we are also christians. i just found out my husband looked at pornography more than once and it devastated me. he even lied about it which made it worst. now i cant trust him in anything all my confidence in him is gone. its as if he is not my husband i dont know how to get over this. i dont have the courage to leave either. we have 2 children and i dont want to break up our family. i talked to my daughter and tried to explain to her that we might not be living with dad much longer just to prepare her and it broke her down. im so lost some days i feel as if iam going to lose my mind. i dont want to have suffer the embarrassement of leaving and having to explain why there are so many things going through my head. the way i found out is he email another man in church for help and i know he did the right thing by reaching out but it does change the damage done how could he tell someone else before me and then lie to me about it i just want out i need advice too.Dear deeply hurt,I commend your husband on reaching out to someone for help. That means he is not in denial about his addiction and is willing to get help. You walking out on the marriage now would devastate him and may actually do more damage. I suggest you give your husband another chance to redeem himself, turn his life around and make restitution to God and to his wife.The reason he did not tell you is because he is embarrassed for what he has done, and doesn't want to hurt you. The fact is at least he is willing to get help, and to me that says a lot about what kind of person he is. Many porn addicts have no conscience and continue to believe it is ok to look as long as they aren't physically havng sex....but porn addiction always hurts people, especially loved ones.
I will be talking about this very subject tomorrow in my weekly marriage column and if you are interested in learning more, please come on over to our website "Heaven Ministries ~ Marriage Healing Ministry" and sign up to our weekly marriage column.What your husband needs most from you is your support and encouragement. Addiction of any kind is a sickness. Your husband needs inner healing and it looks like he is ready to get help for that...In Christ,AngieDear Lost and heart broken,As with any addiction your husband needs inner healing because he is sick. He needs to reach out to other men who have conquered porn addiction and seriously work on his relationship with the Lord. God does not allow temptation to become more than we can bear when we TRUST in Him with our life. You will not be enabling the addiction if you don't do anything that would be enabling him. Get rid of the computers in the house temporarily. Store them at a parents house. remove pornographic cable channels from your TV viewing. encourage your husband to get help for his addiction. I will be using your question in our next marriage column, tomorrow on Wednesday, and I will address the issue of porn addiction in much greater detail. Come on over to the website and sign up for our weekly marriage column. There is hope for recovery from addiction...it is not without the willingness of your husband to "want to help himself". God helps those who help themselves.Blessings,Angie
Hi AngieThank you for discussing such tough stuff openly and kindly. My husband and I have been together 20 years, troubled by loss which we each handled badly until about 13 years ago when I truly gave my life over to the Lord I've always believed in. My husband says he doesn't believe. Last year we separated - I had to obtain an ouster to have him removed from our home as his drinking, gambling and rage were too much - we have three children, none of whom now want to see him. He then obtained a domestic violence order against me, continuing his covert activites until I was imminent breakdown - I settled, accepting the DVO which cuts me but the pay off was he left us alone. What hurts me badly is that last year he "told" me he is into hardcore porn, saying "A man has his needs". He stated that he wishes to reconcile with me at the end of the DVO, this after even using my name and DOB as his user name on one of his profiles looking for group sex etc in the local area. He insists he's not committed adultery, but I know by Christ's definition he has. I attend Al Anon and know about addictions. My struggle is this - I realise the guilt etc my husband struggles with, even re the porn - I think he's not only "put me away" via a DVO but is also keeping himself away cos of the guilt PLUS we began getting in the way of his addictions. I have wrestled with the greatly, believe I have grounds for divorce, have even filled in the paperwork yet he complicates even that so I am unable to submit it yet - he insists he wants the marriage yet will not obtain help - totally in denial. Frankly, though I and the children love him, we've had enough of him - I don't want divorce yet I see no other alternative - the lengths he's gone to re the DVO and more which room disallows me from writing now seems to me to say very clearly that he wants his addictions more than his wife and children, he refuses to divorce me saying he doesn't care about living in sin, that he married once for life, yet he puts me away. I believe in Christ first in my life, that I care more about the man than the marriage per se, that God will do all love can do, that the children and I will have good in our lives. Yet I wish my husband would leave us entirely alone, disappear, never come back - diseased or not diseased, he has chosen not to obtain help, so I wonder that I wait in vain for such a cruel person who has gone to the lengths he has to ensure his addictions come first. Only two things stay may hand for really fighting for the divorce in one of the many court cases he's bringing to me and they are that God has clearly asked me to honour my oath of marriage, so I said it's all His problem - I don't want it, I don't care about it (much), don't want to know - and secondly, if He said that then I assume He has something planned so curiosity stays my hand. Meantime, the divorce papers are sitting here on my desk, not that I see how divorce helps much. We've been separated a year - how long is long enough to wait, where's the line? Thanks for listening and God bless. LaurieHi Laurie,I have been dealing with alcohol addiction with my wife of 25 years.Its been aweful in this house.My kids are teenagers now and I have thought many times about leaving her. It has taken its toll mentally and physically.Her addictions come first even tbough she says shes cares about the kids.Its so distressing.I pray for her,but its not changing.I feel like walking out the door.Then I wonder about feeling guilty.(sigh)
Ken
Angie I really appreciate you article here. I just recently caved in to the temptations of pornography on the internet. I can assure you that I indeed love my wife with all my heart, and I indeed love God too. I thank God every day for the amazing life that he has granted me, including all of the ups and downs that are part of it. I am aware that although I haven't looked at a staggering amount of pornography, I have still let both my wife and myself down by seeking it out. That being said, I have asked God for forgiveness and am looking within myself for the reasons that I caved in and looked at porn. I am planning to confess to my wife of what I have done and with her help and God's, I hope to get back on a righteous path. Your Friend, Michael.
Hi Angie,thank you for being such a help to all of us as we know that is not easy to confess what most wrote here...i myself confessing that i do link on the net to watch porn...and after doing that i feel digusted and even feel like my soul has completly left me.im 30 years old and i dearly love my wife we have a blessing 2 year old girl and i dont want to spend the rest of my life doing this anymore...im sick and tiered of feeling guilty and emotionally down after i have watch porn.it doesnt help me spiritually it destroys me and my marriage...for all the peolple who gave they comment i want to say to you ,altought i dont know you but I love you guys and im sorry for hurting all my brothers and sisters in Christ...as im done here ill immediatly get down on my knees and cry my soul out to Jesus ask him to forgive you and me to give us strength courage to resist the devil whentemptation knocks at the door.Thank you Angie,thank you guys so much.I love you and God love you more
How can I convince him its wrong? His using his cellphone to sms strangers. He is convinced he don't do anything wrong,because he didn't sleep with them. It hurts so much. Please help me.Dear Anonymous,
No one can convince your husband, he has to recognize his weakness and help himself. God does help us in our temptations when we are faithful to Him. It takes a relationship with Christ to overcome the evil that tempts our soul. Your husband has to be willing to choose God for his life and be ready to walk with Christ rather than the pleasure of this world. Come over to our website and find some encouragement through our articles and free ebooks and then send the material to your husband...May God Bless!
In Christ,
AngieWell, it is wrong. But we can't make someone see our point of view and beliefs, just like we can't change people. They have to change for themselves!! Please scroll down and read what I told Fransie and anonymous below. I hope I will see you at the marriage ministry website. Come and sign up for the marriage column and read through our free ebooks and articles. You will find encouragement. Stay focused on God. Pray for your husband.
Blessings,
Angie
Dear Angie. I've already asked advice,what you gave me,I'm very thankfull for. I'm 10years married with 2 boys. My husband was/is a Christian and had very high standards. I could always count on his word. First it was porno,then on facebook he took it further than friendship. And now it is on his cellphone,like I said. I said also that he sees nothing wrong with it. Worst is he laughs about it in my face. He did ask for a second chance,but if he can't stop what then? Where do I and my sons go? And he knows it, and use it against me. My illness he uses too,to hurt me. I am so tired, so hurt, I've tried 2 times to commit suicide. Please what can I do? He doesn't listen to me,or his family. Thank you for listening.Dear Fransie,
Please read the response that I told anonymous below. And then keep praying and focusing on God for your life. Learn to detach from the sin of your husband. Don't blame yourself. Take care of YOU and your emotional and spiritual wellbeing!! Please come and visit our website, read thru some of the free ebooks and articles. Stop trying to make your husband change himself--he knows what he needs to do and he needs to change for himself and for God. You are NOT the victim. Your husband is victimizing himself by NOT having a relationship with Jesus Christ.
People make choices, and some of us choose the wrong things for our life, just like your husband is doing. All you can do is take care of YOU, detach emotionally from your husbands sin and his behaviors and focus on God for your personal well being and those of your children. BE the responsible parent for your children. Teach them about God and all that God can do for them in their life.
Come over to Heaven Ministries and email me again, anytime.
Blessings,
Angie
I don't know where to turn anymore. Feels like I'm dead inside,I wish that someone could understand. Could comfort me,but I don't trust anyone anymore. Everything in life is just a web of lies. I'm tired 4 the life I'm living,one big lie. My husband don't want to let me go,but he can't stop with porno, chatting with other woman on his cellphone. All he does is critizise me,but in his eyes he is doing everything right. I'm ill,and can't cope anymore. I'm not asking 4 advice anymore, but I hope someone reads this,and can put his/her life back on track. With the Lord like it should be. I'm broken to pieces,I don't think I will be able to put my life back together. Thank you Angie I know you've helped a lot of people. May God bless uDear Anonymous,
Well, you need to turn to God first. Pray for your husband, no matter how hard that is for you to do and then "let it go" and give the pain/sin/burden to God!! You are NOT responsible for what your husband does! He is responsible for himself. No matter what you do, how you behave towards him, you can't change him!! He needs to change himself.
The best way for you to help your husband is detach from him emotionally. Treat this as if your husband were in another kind of addiction rather than porn and lust addiction. Treat it the same way. You need to learn to detach from him, his behavior, his sin, and the symptoms of his addiction, which is the looking at and acting out with pornography!!
You have to help yourself by going to God with your troubles and asking God to take the pain and suffering away from you that you are now feeling. If you don't take care of YOU and your emotional needs, who will? Go to God today with your suffering and He will give you comfort. We are praying for you. Please come over to Heaven Ministries where you can find additional encouragement and email me from the website.
God Bless!
In Christ,
Angie
It sucks to be addicted to that grotesque form of inter-webs, only to be looked down upon and despised by society. It feels like there are only a select few ho want to help an others would rather ditch and run. I have been addicted for only a couple years but it's tearing my brain apart on both my religion and body cravings. I need help.
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