Growing Up and Getting Married in Today’s Society
Posted: Friday, August 31, 2007
by Angie Lewis
Heaven Ministries
Whose job is it to instill values and morals in our children? Are we leaving this important stuff up to the school system because we are too busy working to maintain a comfortable lifestyle? It used to be back in the forties and fifties that the teachers were moral individuals, subsequently; they also taught the class ethics and how to treat others properly. Some of today’s teachers are having some deep moral issues within themselves that could directly affect the children in a negative way.
If our new generation of children, soon to be adults are not taught how to respect, forgive and love others properly how on earth can they expect to be able to get along with a spouse in marriage? If I were a child today, growing up in a public school, I would feel very intimidated and abused just by the ruthless attitude of the teachers and children and how they behave towards one another. If it is not the schools responsibility to teach morals, and how to get along with others whose responsibility is it?
Here is a scenario to think about. Little Tommy had always been bullied by his classmates. He told the teacher but she never did anything. Finally he had to learn how to defend himself because he just could not take the mistreatment anymore. So he started to lift weights just so he could beat up the bullies who physically and mentally tormented him. A year later he is strong and wins his first fight. After the fight, he felt euphoric, and his adrenaline was rushing. For Tommy, it felt so good to get revenge that it has become his new attitude in life.
Little Tommy is now big Tom and is married. He does not know what forgiveness is. He does not know what love is. He is needy and insecure. He does not know how to take care of himself except through physical abuse, in which his wife gets a lot of these days. Tom understands revenge and defending the little bit of self-image he has left. No one intervened on little Tommy’s behalf; they were too busy working, teaching math and science, and being selfish. Tom now needs inner healing but he does not know it; He think the way he feels is normal and that all the marriage problems are the fault of his wife.
Quiet Mary never felt loved as a child growing up. Her parents were always very busy working in their medical practices to give Mary the nurturing she needed as a child. They showed their love by giving Mary all the material possessions a child could ask for and more. Mary’s teacher did not like Mary. She thought Mary was a snob and a spoiled little brat who got her way too much just because her parents were rich.
Mary never told anyone that she felt unloved and unwanted by her parents and teacher, and so everyone thought she was happy as a lark. When Mary turned fourteen she began sleeping with many of the boys in school. This is how she felt loved and wanted. When she was sixteen, Mary got pregnant and her parents made her get an abortion and put her on birth control. Mary does not know anything at all about her Creator because her teacher teaches atheism. Three years later Mary marries her first husband. Sadly, Mary, being so used to dating and feeling loved by sleeping around in high school, exhibits the very same behavior with her husband.
When she feels unloved by her husband, she simply has an affair. Mary has not learned how to stay married to the same man for very long, because she doesn’t know how to love and she doesn’t know what commitment is. This is what dating in High school has taught Mary. No one cared about Mary when she was growing up, and now she has learned to care about no one but herself.
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Angie Lewis has written three books on how to have a happy marriage. She has just finished her fourth book THE ALCOHOLISM TRAP: Understanding Why You Drink and What You Can Do To Achieve Total Sobriety.
For more information about this book and marriage books, please visit: http://www.heavenministries.com
To see book previews, please visit: http://stores.lulu.com/angielewis
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)hi angie, ditto. with a little more throwing some responsibility the parents' way. they have these kids to themselves through the very important years of birth to school age. and after school, and weekends, and vacations. i will read more of your stories as time allows, i see we think in some similar ways. thanks for a good story, best regards, sue thomThanks, Susan, but after reading the comments below you might want to take your "ditto" off. :-) Take care and God bless.
I appreciate your writing and I hope that you take this respectfully. To make the accusations that a significant part of the problem with children is with the public schools and teachers is unfair and inaccurate. Also, making accusations about teachers being atheistic is not factual. Is that your position because they do not teach religion in the schools? Your claim that ADD is a made-up disorder is patently inaccurate. Your claim that there is a connection between sugar levels and hyperactivity is inaccurate. Shall I go on? I just think when people write they ought to check out their facts before "winging it." The only thing that you say that makes sense is that it is the parents who affect their children's future. By the way, many public schools have bully- monitoring programs including having kids websites monitored by administration and police. There are as many Christian teachers working in the public schools as there are in private schools. The difference may be in the religious curriculum of private schools and that is a parent's choice. There are no guarantees, however, that having your child attend a religious school will make him a model citizen when he grows up.Dear Mr. Krehbiel I do appreciate your comments, I really do. It is ok to disagree. I think a lot of people would disagree with some of the things I write about. I’m a minority thinker of how I view the world around me. What I have experienced and learned to be true for my life is not what you have experienced and learned to be true for you in your life. In other words, my evidence is not your evidence. Until something drastic happens to change (my opinion) what I know to be true “for me” about hyperactivity and negative emotions in children than I will stick to my evidence. My definition of a bully is anyone who is disrespectful, demeaning and intolerant of another just because they are different. In fact, it could be said, that you are bullying me. But I don’t believe you are. If the school systems and government is going to all that trouble, time, and money, to set up bullying monitoring programs and having school staff and police watch the children and classrooms, then that tells me there must be a problem, don’t you think? I said, “Mary does not know anything at all about her Creator because her teacher teaches atheism.” This was an example of one instance about one teacher. Where in the world did you get that I said, “all teachers are atheist”? If the schools can’t teach about God then what are they teaching? (Food for thought) These particular issues that you and I differ on are not set in stone as actual fact. Most of what you write about I disagree with and the reason is I have experienced something different than you have. I respect you and your opinion and I would never in anger or with any emotion for that matter, tell you that what you believe to be true is wrong. As a matter of fact, the minority of folks who think like I do could say that you are accusing them of having a disorder or medical condition without seeking out your facts first because maybe to them someone who cannot pay attention very easily and who is forgetful and disruptive in the classroom only needs to stop drinking sugary soda’s for breakfast, cookies with lunch, and white rice or pasta for dinner with another soda pop. It is ok to disagree. J Take care. Angie Lewis
An interesting and provocative article as the above comment from James reveals. Sugar intake does effect behaviour. I've seen enough evidence of that in my own children let alone all the information published on the web to that effect. Everything we eat has an 'effect' of some sort if eaten in larger than necessary quantities. That aside, I don't agree that 'many' of our children at school are bullies. They are a minority, just as terrorists are, football hooligans are etc. School is a good place to learn about the 'real' world which is afterall, unfair, discriminatory and has it's fair share of adult bullies. We could home school and protect children from the adverse affects school can have but how then will they cope when adults and not isolated from those individuals? I must admit I have considered home schooling myself, but for now, school is having positive benefits. Re raising confidence levels, social skills, and awareness of people different to their family/friends 'set'. It's a balance, parents do need to parent but school and peers will always have some influence and not all bad. Not everything a parent teaches is 'good'. Consider racist or bigotted parents? Without a different view being offered at school, they may too grow up racist and bigotted. Some consider that athiests are worse people than those with religion and this is not a good message to give children as it is prejudiced. There are many religions with many different Gods. Christians only have one God and they deny all the others. An athiest only denies one more God than a Christian does. I am not athiest, but I am not against them.Dear Creative blogger. Thanks for the great comments. Blessings, Angie
Interesting article Angie, however I don't believe in mixing psychology with love. You either have one or the other. Those who have love do not need psychology.Interesting comment - I think I understand what you are saying but not sure how it applies. Blessings, Angie
Angie, a good article but as you can tell it has stirred many different perspectives. There are so many factors that contribute to getting married and much more staying married it would fill volumes. economics, a sound foundation home and upbringing, values a real mom and dad not just a physical, etc, etc, etc. Love, well thats all well and good but it can't pay the bills, put a coat on a child during the winter, put food on the table. The Pope asked everyone to consider marragige. I ask the Pope to try getting married in todays age and better yet raising a family. The governemnet makes it a necessity to not get married to survive. I know first hand I have dealt with it in school, the church and business. Low income jobs, parents working two and three jobs, latch key kids, broken homes, foster homes, kids living with strangers who are not event their birth parents, abused, thrown out on the street living in dirt. Throw in everything else and marraige is a hard row for many. Church, well sorry the same problems exist there as in schools it is just covered oveer an masked differently. Where ever people are gathered so are problems. Yes, love is a key but a reality check is in order. Economics, character, morals and values and all of that start at home. In American that is where the problem lies. :ets fix that and then maybe we can see marraiges that last.Hi, Yes, I understand, and with all of those problems in marriage and hurdles to leap it sounds like to me that people are relying on many of the wrong sources to meet their needs in life. I think that many people jump into marriage unprepared and than cannot meet the demands of marriage. If we ourselves need inner healing how can we be a good marriage partner? People need God but they aren't letting Him in. I agree with everything you said. Thanks for sharing that. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. (Psalm 40:4 NIV) God Bless, Angie
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