Marriage: I Don't Love You Anymore
Posted: Tuesday, October 06, 2009
by Angie Lewis
Heaven Ministries
Think about the title of this article for just a moment and how corny it sounds. I don't love you anymore. Actually when a spouse says, "I don't love you anymore" it means they don't want to love you anymore. Selfishness has taken precedent in this person's life and they are simply tired of doing things that show love, such as sacrifice, respect and responsibility. Because all three of these are what love is!
You shouldn't have to try and win your ex spouse back if he or she belongs to you. Didn't God bless you with the person you are married to? Of course He did. Couples should be reading articles on how to bring God into their marriage so they may learn how to love one another with real love. What is real love? When you sacrifice a part of your self for your spouse that is love. When you try to understand your spouse that is love. When you do things that show love, even when you don't feel like it that is love.
So you see, when all is said and done, it won't matter what worldly tactics you use to try and "be loved" or "win back love" or "love others" unless you are committed to the relationship. Marriage commitment is a lifestyle and marriage non-commitment is a lifestyle.
For instance, if you are used to living by your feelings and doing whatever you want then that is the lifestyle you have made for yourself. If you are used to showing love by sharing yourself and working at being a loving person in your marriage then you have made that your lifestyle. Your commitment level shows in your lifestyle; it shows in what you do for your marriage.
The "I don't love you anymore" attitude is based upon feelings only, and that's all. The person who says they "don't love anymore" may actually believe it because they have been taught that love is a feeling. When you first think you are "in love" with someone, that is only a mixture of desire and lust. That's all it is. This is why two or three years later when these feelings are gone, you believe you aren't "in love" anymore.
If you want to save your marriage you have to "be committed"! You have to "show your love" through your commitment. It doesn't matter how you feel about each other as much as what you are going to do to stay married. You can live an uncommitted lifestyle for your marriage or you can take responsibility for "your part in the marriage" and be happy with what God has blessed you with. It's all up to you. You make your own happiness!
Remember, love is not how your feel, but what you do. Have you shown your love to your spouse today? Love is a choice. You choose to love or not to love. You choose to take responsibility for your marriage, or not. You choose to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of your spouse, or not. You choose to love because it is what Jesus Christ has taught us to do.
Check out Angie and Frank's Marriage Healing Ministry, Heaven Ministries: http://www.heavenministries.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)I beleive you can fall out of love. But I also believe that marriage goes through phases and you have to ride out the bad times. I have a friend who falls madly in love and within a year moves on. She's 'in love' with 'falling in love'. Wouldn't it be nice to walk around in that blissful state all the time? At some point in a relationship reality sets in and you may realize your spouse isn't perfect. Who is? Those are the days you have to work at it, but hopefully those days are far less than the 'madly in love' days. :)Hi Brianna,Thanks for reading my article and responding. I do appreciate your thoughts. May you have a blessed day!Angie :-)
I must beg to politely differ with you,essentially;to quote the Beatles;"I'm looking through you,where did you go? I thought I knew you,what did I know?/ Love has a nasty habit of disappearing,overnight" The process of "falling IN love "is as enigmatic as the process of "falling OUT of love" but both are sadly real,for the sufferers;PaulHello Paul,Yes, you may differ, if you do it politely. LOL. I do appreciate your thoughts and taking the time to read my article.Blessings,Angie :-)We abuse and overuse that four letter word;love ,and thus, make it trite;we love ketchup,we love running shoes,we love baseball, we love writing and we love our spouses.But,more often than not,more often than you are personally willing to now accept, God gives us our chosen spouses, not because they are meant to adore us, or make us happy or to last a loving lifetime, but because ,instead,they are placed in our lives to teach us some very hard and painful but absolutely essential needed lessons about sadness,loss and negativity to increase the quality and timbre of our souls,itself.As your tone chillingly suggests,I shall endeavor to always be polite with you,when I do differ with you,as I truly and deeply differ with your "should be",(its a "what is",world;not a "should be" world)sanguine view of things,but I shall never take exception to your good natured and good intentioned motives:paul
Bravo ~ love is (or should be) a commitment followed by actions. Sometimes it is accompanied by all the warm fuzzy feelings and sometimes it is not. It can grow is ALL directions and become richer and richer through the years but it needs to be based on that commitment. VERY excellent picece. Even the Christian worldview in America is still going on FEELINGS way too much I think. God made us - why is it that very few potential couple pray about what HE would have before they get their emotions so involved in the relationship that they have basically plugged their ears to guidence?! What a breath of fresh air this piece is! Thanks for writing it, Angie. I wish I could give you "6's" but will just settle for adding it to my favorites! MarijoMarijo, you are a breath of fresh air...! Thanks so much for taking the time to read my articles and responding. I believe I know the answer to your question. Why do people not pray about what HE would have them do and instead they go their own way? I believe it all boils down to being in "fear" of the Lord.The fear of the Lord is the beginning of "wisdom" Psalm 111:10Have a blessed day!In Christ,AngieI just have had a dear friend (Bible college student a couple years back and NOT college age but closer to my age - I was here when the dinosaurs roamed.....) decide to marry an unbeliever. As soon as people in the Body began to give her gentle advice about not being unequally yoked she quit coming to church. Now less than 1/2 year later I understand they are having serious problems, ARE getting counseling but she is lining up places to go if/when she leaves him. Tragic and already covered in the Bible "do not be unequally yoked...." God is not the great cosmic killjoy in the sky - He really does have our best interest in mind AND if He knew us BEFORE our mother's womb (Jer 1:5) what makes us think we know better than He does especially about us personally? HE is incredible and we, well, we are "but dust" but hopefully will not set about to prove that 24/7.... MarijoHahaha,You got that right. It's sad all the suffering in marriages and family relationships. My husband often reminds me, "Angie, you can't save the world", because I get so caught up in the suffering and pain people go through. Well, its the ministry God has given to me...lots of broken homes from adultery, lust, abuse, health issues, addictions, and so on and so forth...it can sometimes bring me anguish, and then I have to take a break away from it. But the encouragement I get back from people who have accepted Christ into their lives and are finally happy and at peace. And well, of course, your comments always pick me up! You are a sweet, sweet sister in the Lord.Keep up with those great recipes. I love Mexican food, do you have any spicy recipes? LOLBlessings,AngieI am married to the southern fried Texan with jalapenos growing out of his ears - I am from Minnesota (cough)... let me think on this one and post soon. E-mail me and I can send you a bunch I think..... MarijoIf you are into scrolling - the recipes listed below could have the heat kicked up by simply adding a can of Rotel (original or, if you like HOT) I will post another soon for crock pot EASY and with chicken or pork chops. The recipes you want to look for would be: Chicken Enchilada Casserole, Low fat high fiber lunch ideas, Baken Egg Dish.... Enjoy! MarijoThanks a bunch Marijo, I will definitely check them out. I have three jalapeno plants in my garden that are just loaded with jalapenos. That is about as hot as I like to get. I've even been know to add them to Italian food. But then it really wouldn't be Italian anymore would it? How about Mexital or Italimex. Ha!thanks,ANEW recipe just under my name , not my column - crock pot chicken, rice and beans. Instead of Rotel just cut up your garden produce and toss in - may add a can of diced tomatoes if you like too - makes me cringe - I can do Chinese hot and sour soup but cough, tear, sputter and choke with jalapenos - maybe am allergic? MarijoCan someone help me? my love bank is empty now that I have no more love to give to my husband. He hurts me and I want to build a wall to protect myself. the most love i give, the more hurt i get. I want to love but i dont want to get hurt. I am tire of my marriage but i dont dare to divorce because i fear god and also because i dont know how to face people and how to move on with my life. I stay in my marriage out of fear. If i can find a place where no one knows me, I will for sure dump my husband away and get on with my life alone. I am really happier alone than to stay in this marriage when we are not happy and he always hurt me. Can someone help me and give me suggestions?
Dear LLove,
We have helpful articles, and free ebooks, newsletters and marriage columns to help you detach from the emotional abuse you are going through. Only when you learn to detach from his emotional garbage will you heal yourself and be happy. Come and visit our website and email me anytime.
Blessings,
Angie
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