10 Reasons Why Christians Shouldn’t Date
Posted: Wednesday, February 24, 2010
by Angie Lewis
Heaven Ministries
We have all grown up thinking that dating is normal and something that people do to meet others for the possibility of marriage. The Christian culture of today promotes dating, but it wasn't always so. "Dating" is not scriptural and in fact, scripture clearly reveals the opposite of the dating attitude when meeting people for relationships and possible marriage. Let's take a look why dating is not for the sincere Christian.
Dating most often leads to sex and then eventual heartbreak. Dating hurts young people because it is a false sense of hope that almost always leads to emotional heartache and physical impurity. With dating the risk of having sexual relations with a person you really don't know is paramount. I say risk because sex means nothing without love and commitment. Think about it. For the sincere Christian dating should be out of the question, don't you think?
Dating Defrauds (fornication) One Another's Body
For the Christian each time they have sex with a new person they are being defrauded and you are defrauding the other person as well. God's desire for sincere Christian people is not to have sex (fornication) before marriage. It is a sin just like adultery is a sin. Scripture clearly and plainly says that young Christian people are not to defraud one another sexually or emotionally-they are to be different than the gentiles who do not know God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification (set apart), that ye should abstain from fornication. That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel (body) in sanctification and honour. Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the gentiles which know not God. That no man go beyond (arouse sexual lust in another) and defraud his brother in any matter: because the Lord is the avenger of such, as we also have forewarned you and testified."
Dating Mistakes the "Attraction and Desire Feelings" for Love
How often have you desired someone so much that you thought you were "in love" with them. You were so attached to them emotionally with your feelings that you thought they were "the one" for you? This happens all the time with Christian people. They get married and think they will live happily ever after. But wait! What happens when the feelings of desire and lust are gone, then what? I'll tell you what. Couples are unhappy in their marriage and commit infidelities of all kinds. Their whole marriage was based on FEELINGS rather than LOVE. This is not God's will for the sincere Christian.
Dating Skips the Friendship/Respect stage of a Relationship
The Knight in shining armor comes prancing through the door. The lovely princess is the most breathtaking beauty you have ever seen. What happens next based on these ga-ga feelings? Couples give away their hearts, their minds, theirs souls, and their bodies to each other based on sexual feelings. They defraud one another through stealing emotions and bodies that do not belong to them.
Sex means nothing without love and commitment. How well do couples really know the person they are getting intimate with? God's plan for single Christians is to love one another as brothers and sisters in the Lord and build friendships based on respect, not sex. Your body and mind belong to God. Sex is reserved for the marriage bed. The sexual, intimate, emotional bonding of two people in the Lord is the "one flesh" of marriage.
"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price (Christ's death). Therefore honor God with your body." (1 Corinthians 618)
Dating Isolates You From Others
Once the emotional bond begins neither party cares about anyone else. Throughout the day when away from each other, they only want to be with each other and are on cloud nine in the thoughts and imaginings of what the other is doing. In respect to the people who really matter in their life such as parents, relatives and real friendships, they are all put on hold while the couple waits in eager anticipation of when they will meet up again sexually and emotionally with one another.
Dating Distracts People From What Really Matters
Dating, because of its sexual and emotional intentions distracts Christian people from what is really important for them. Namely, God and preparing for their future in the Lord. They are so focused on the happenings of each other that nothing else matters to them, not even staying pure for God and marriage. It is God's will that young Christian people who are sincere in the Lord, put their feelings on hold and not allow themselves to be pressured into emotional relationships without commitment.
Dating Deceives Each Other From Seeing True Character
This is exactly what happened to biblical Samson. He couldn't see through his own passionate lust to see that Delilah was only using him. In the end his lustful desires cost him his life. Delilah's true character was that of being a deceitful woman who only cared about herself. You can read the full story here: Judges 16:4-31
"Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life" Proverbs 6:25
It works the other way around to. Young Christian women can also be deceived by men that say they are a believer in Jesus Christ-this has happened before. Don't let your passions and desires deceive you and not see someone's true character. Be patient and ask God to help you recognize someone's true character. Eventually and with time, fruit of the Spirit will be apparent. Be patient with your emotions and wait on God!
Dating Prepares Christians For Divorce
Why society got the notion that dating prepares people for marriage, I have no clue. But somehow through the ages, people believe that "dating" is how you get to know someone and in some instances advocate having sex before marriage to see if couples are compatible in that way. This is preposterous! God made them male and female didn't He?
I'll tell you what has been revealed to me through scripture. Dating prepares people to rely on their emotions. When the passions and desires die down couples just get a divorce and find a new mate.
"They said to you, "In the last times (today's culture) there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires." These are the men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit.
Dating Takes Christians Away From What is Right and Pure in the Lord
Do you understand now why God forbids fornication? When our emotions get so caught up with worldly pleasures, such as dating, God is not important to us anymore and we begin to rebel and scoff at Him and His commands for our lives. God wants young people to place Him as the most important aspect of their life so they can base their life actions from that relationship.
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
A message from Frank and Angie Lewis: God wants for you to seek romance and have a life spouse to love and care for, but not at the expense of your mind or body. God's plan for the Christian is exactly the opposite of what most believers seek when looking for their soul mate. To learn more about scriptural romance and Godly courtship, click here. http://www.heavenministries.org
Do you need encouragement about NOT dating and still finding love? Perhaps you have a courtship story to share? Give and receive encouragement at our new courtship forums. http://godlycourtship.proboards.com/
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)
As a Christian who is in a dating, and committed, relationship, I have to say I strongly disagree with parts of this article. My boyfriend and I both have social lives outside of our relationships, which we contend are a healthy part of any good relationship. We were friends for roughly eight months before we started dating, so it is clear that we did not "skip" that stage of the relationship. In addition, I have an immense amount of respect for him - that is a rare thing to find at the undergraduate level, but it is indeed possible. It is also ignorant in my opinion to suggest that dating deceives people from seeing eachother's true character - anyone who has experienced a relationship longer than two months can tell you that spending a great amount of time with another individual will expose their flaws like an open book.
Lastly, I would pose the question as to how one should go about developing a relationship of love and commitment without first dating an individual. Not necessarily having sexual relations, but DATING. This does not imply a sexual relationship whatsoever, and to assume so is to insult the integrity of a great many Christians out there who are capable of upholding a healthy relationship absent of sex. The possibilities of physical impurity, emotional heartbreak and spiritual neglect are not isolated only to those who are young, Christian, dating, etc. It is my strong belief that many of the points contained in this article could use a degree of revision, and I sincerely hope that other young, impressionable Christian minds do not choose to condemn the practice of dating as a result.
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